Pranks
by Bullwinkle's Lady
Summary: Naruto could always tell when Sasuke was having a quarrel with his girlfriend. SasuHina, at twelve. Crack.
1. Trapped In a Hole

**Summary**: Naruto could always tell when Sasuke was having a quarrel with his girlfriend. SasuHina, at twelve. Crack.

**Pranks**

by Bullwinkle's Lady

**Chapter 1**

Naruto could always tell when Sasuke was having a quarrel with his girlfriend. Both seemed to be very _rational _people. Well...except when facing each other, of course.

"Don't you think this is...well...um..." said Naruto, peering into the hole his friend was digging. It was already seven feet down and getting deeper by the moment.

Placing the shovel over his shoulder, Sasuke, twelve, peered up at Naruto from the bottom of the hole. _What is the idiot blubbering about? _he wondered, wiping his forehead, but only managing to smear it with more dirt. He was covered in the filth. Not only his skin, but his hair and clothing had taken on a healthy brown coating of dirt and muck. He glanced around the hole. "This should be deep enough. Help me out, dobe." He held out a hand.

Naruto had the immense urge to leave his friend there, but grudgingly took his hand and helped him to climb out of the hole. "This is so wrong," he moaned. Sasuke always acted so _mature _in Kakashi's presence. He'd never known the Uchiha could sink to such levels.

"This is necessary," said Sasuke, reading his anxiety. Picking up the large sheet of netting he'd brought with him to the clearing, he spread it out over the hole. When the net had been pinned firmly to the ground, Sasuke began to pick up twigs and leaves to spread over it. He glared at Naruto, who simply stood watching him. "Are you going to help or just stand there like a **censored **idiot?"

With a glare, Naruto reluctantly assisted Sasuke in gathering leaves. "I don't see what she could have done that's so bad..." grumbled Naruto. He was surprised to be the _right _one for once. He was also surprised that Sasuke was pulling pranks. Well...it wasn't that much of a prank, was it? ...More like an assault, on innocent, little-

"She's coming," hissed Sasuke, quickly pushing Naruto into some nearby bushes. He then dove in after the blonde, eying Naruto as he rubbed his sore bottom.

Naruto responded with an impolite gesture.

It wasn't long before the two boys heard the sounds of someone entering the clearing. It was late afternoon, and the sun was setting, which meant (Sasuke knew) that _certain people _had just finished up with their daily training sessions. Sasuke's girlfriend (s_oon to be X-girlfriend, _Naruto thought), in particular, passed through that very clearing every day on her way home. The Uchiha knew because he'd walked with her on countless occasions.

Naruto regretfully watched the girl enter the clearing. Kami, she was smiling so brightly, and holding a butterfly on her hand! She was even talking (quite casually) to a few of the birds and cute little squirrels. Just before Naruto could shout out to warn her, a pale, and extremely dirty hand clamped over his mouth, having anticipated his actions. Naruto was left to watch one. He glanced at Sasuke, whose face was covered with a twisted smirk. Onyx eyes were narrowed into cheery half-circles that some-how resembled those of an evil clown's. _Friggin weird, _Naruto thought. He looked back to the scene ahead, and unconsciously counted to himself. _Three...two..._

"EEE!"

_...one..._

The evil smirk upon Sasuke's face had become a feral grin.

Naruto gasped for air when Sasuke finally released his mouth (he'd been holding his nose too...). He narrowed his eyes as Sasuke climbed out from the bushes and approach the hole. With one hand on his non-existent hip, he peered down at Hinata.

Sasuke had been the first of the rookie nine to get a girlfriend, which had been no real surprise, save the fact that most people had figured he was asexual. The _real _surprise was the fact that he'd managed to court the shy, jittery-

"Hyuuga Hinata," Sasuke said, causing Naruto's eye to twitch. "Kukukukuku..." The only thing keeping the blonde from pushing Sasuke into the hole was the fact that he would probably crush poor Hinata.

But _really, _he'd never seen his friend behave so - _oddly._ The Sasuke he knew communicated through grunts, slept standing up, and rarely strained his delicate facial muscles with something as useless as an expression. He didn't go out of his way to _throw people into holes, _then _mock them _afterwards. And the Uchiha Sasuke he knew most definitely did not go-

"Kukuku..." There it was again! 'The _hell!_

Naruto watched him for a while. That cruel, snide, mocking laughter. It seemed almost like...it couldn't be, but...was Sasuke sort of..._flirting?_

From where the blonde was, he could hear no response from Hinata, but watched as Sasuke's expression softened until any sign of an evil grin had disappeared. "C'mon dobe," said Sasuke, not looking away from the hole.

_Ack! He said my name! _Naruto inwardly groaned. Well, Sasuke hadn't exactly said his name, but "dobe" was just as good. "Sorry Hinata-chan..." Naruto mumbled as he climbed out of the bushes. He didn't dare approach the hole, but began to trudge out of the clearing. Sasuke followed him until they were walking side by side.

Naruto threw him a glance. The Uchiha's face had become indifferent. "You're insane," Naruto mentioned.

"Shut up." Sasuke's response came out so softly it caused Naruto to blink.

"Why so glum?"

"Be quiet, Naruto."

"Y'know, she can get sick out here."

"Shut up, _dobe_."

"Or starve to death."

"Shut up."

"Or eaten by a bear!"

"_Shut. Up."_

_He's probably having regrets, _Naruto thought impishly, turning away to hide his smile. "If you want, I can go back and help her out..." he stated casually.

His friend threw him a deep glare. "No," said Sasuke. "You won't."

They continued to walk toward the village in silence. _What's his problem... _Naruto wondered. _Well, aside from the fact that he's nucking futs._

It was then that Sasuke clarified things, "When you called her...Hinata-_chan_..."

Naruto blinked. "Ah, it's just out of habit. I didn't..._mean_ anything..." he trailed off.

Sasuke looked at the path. "Right," he said stiffly.

Naruto continued stare. _Sasuke's jealous...of me? No...not possible. _He found the prospect far too odd. _He must really like her. _He looked up to notice they'd finally entered town.

"I have something to do," Sasuke said, turning around. He began to walk off in the direction they'd come from, hands jammed in his pockets.

Naruto smiled and headed back to his apartment, all the while thinking, _What a CRAZYLOSER!_

Then he paused and began to worry a little. Perhaps he should head back into the forest, just to make sure his crazy friend didn't hurt Hinata. But then, the prospect of NOT doing that was just so inviting. He grabbed his skull in pain. Eugh – this was far too much stress for a twelve-year-old to deal with!

Should Naruto **A. **Go back to the forest and check on Hinata? or **B. **Visit the local strip club and buy himself a lap dance?


	2. Garfield

**Pranks**

by Bullwinkle's Lady

**Chapter 2**

Naruto slid into his seat right in front of the glittery stage. He gave a nod to Cassandra, who had already shed down to a metallic thong. She knew what he liked. She began to utilize the pole, twisting and curling around it. When she discarded the thong, Naruto began to pull out his bills. She bent down right in front of him, for he was her best customer. He smirked, examining her perfect cheeks, before sticking some moolah into her tight little ass. She grinned, slowly turning around, and waggling her bum all the while. Their eyes finally met, and he stared hard, alas mouthing two definitive words: _Lap. Dance.  
_

Okay, so that never actually happened.

After extensively weighing his options, Naruto decided that the nudey bar would just have to wait. Following a few minutes of blindly running through the forest (stepping on squirrels and crashing into trees), he reached the clearing where Hinata had been left. It seemed that Sasuke had just arrived as well, and was standing over the hole while peering into it.

_More mocking? _Naruto wondered from a bush.

His eyes widened when Sasuke jumped into the hole. The blonde slowly smiled, and released a quiet chuckle. His task completed, he took a piss and walked away.

* * *

Inside the hole, the twelve-year-old Hyuuga Hinata pressed her pointer fingers together. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, kissing her boyfriend on the cheek. As she pulled away, she watched a faint flare appear on his face, before he glanced away, compulsively shoving his hand into his pockets.

Hinata smiled. "Let's go home."

As Hinata was the smaller of the two, it was decided that Sasuke would hoist her out of the hole by allowing her to step in the palms of his interlocked hands. When Hinata managed to pull herself to the surface, she sat on her heels and caught her breath, before glancing back at Sasuke whose arm was extended for her assistance. Her smile faded.

"Hyuuga?"

"Have a good night," Hinata said. She noticed two orbs of red where Sasuke onyx eyes had been. She walked away, feeling proud for sticking up for herself, but at the same time, anxious. What if Sasuke got sick, or starved, or eaten by a bear? After a few more minutes of walking, she stopped in her tracks, shaking her head. She had to go back for him! It was the right thing to do. Committed to saving her boyfriend, Hinata spun around, only to come face to face with-

A figure with pale white skin and blood red hair. She released a shriek, but covered her mouth. It was one of the foreigners participating in the chunnin exams. Hinata clutched her chest. "He-hello," she managed, noticing the "love" tattoo plastered on the side of the boy's forehead. Maybe he was a nice person. She lowered her hands, unaware that they were trembling. "I'm H-Hinata."

No response.

"Garfield...was it?"

Still no response.

"Yeah, I-I'm Hi-Hin-"

"Blood."

Hinata blanched. "Wh-what?" she squeaked.

"I...want...blood."

Silence.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Hinata ran as fast as she could, hearing Gaara plow after her. Far too terrified to activate the byakugan or use any of her other awesome ninja techniques, she took to flailing her arms while screaming at the top of her lungs. The sun had fallen, the forest was dark, and Hinata became lost within seconds.

She consistently glanced back, and Gaara was always a few yards away. His eyes seemed almost red with killing intent.

Twice she noticed him trip on tree roots, even managing to fall on his face at one point. After being mauled by a family of offended raccoons, Garfield responded with a frustrated scream of, "CHIDORI!"

Hinata continued to run, daring not to look back again. What would she do? She had to find someone! Should she face him – _fight him? _The prospect was far too horrifying.

That was when someone crashed into her back. She fell to the ground, struggling beneath Garfield, covering her face as he raised his fist.

...No impact.

Hinata peeked up at Garfield's suspended hand and uneasy expression. Why had he hesitated? The boy released a high-pitched squawk as her knee collided with his crotch.

_Now's my chance, _Hinata thought. She had to find her way out of the woods. She had to get back to the village! She rammed into someone's chest, and released another scream.

"Hinata?"

It was Sasuke! Sasuke! She clung to his chest, giggling hysterically, because she'd found _Sasuke_, and now she was safe! _Don't let me go..._

The Uchiha obediently wrapped her in his arms. "What's wrong?" he said.

"Ga-Garfield – he was – he was-"

"Hinata, breathe."

She tried again. "Chasing – ch-chasing me."

Sasuke peered out into the darkness in the direction from which Hinata had come. "No one's there," he said.

She buried her face in his shirt. She'd never touched Sasuke like this – they'd never been so intimate, but she was so glad he was there.

Her boyfriend didn't seem to mind. "I'll walk you home from training from now on," he said with a touch of embarrassment.

And that was how they made up. Holding hands, the two walked back to the village, Sasuke with a slight limp.

It was the next day, reading a magazine in the waiting room of the hospital, for Hinata was accompanying Sasuke to his strange "annual rabies shot," that she heiress paused midway though an article. "Wait a minute..."


	3. Purple Lipstick

**Pranks**

by Bullwinkle's Lady

**Chapter 3**

For his fifth rabies shot in the series, twenty-eight days from when he'd suffered those raccoon bites, she was allowed to be with him and hold his hand, which probably embarrassed him, but pleased her nonetheless.

When his shirt was pulled up to reveal his pale abdomen, she noticed how thin he was compared to Kiba, Neji, and other boys she'd seen topless.

The look of pain on his face as Shizune stabbed him with that **gigantic **needle – eyes clenched and teeth grit – it was absolutely adorable. She smiled a little as her boyfriend squeezed her hand.

When it was over, he lay flat, gasping, staring dazedly at the ceiling as though he'd just had wild sex with a large animal. He didn't release her hand, and she idly brushed droplets of sweat off his brow with her free one.

Sasuke was completely vulnerable, and it was the greatest thing in the world.

"I know you're Garfield," she mumbled, when the heaving of his chest had returned to a minimum. "That was r-really m-mean of you." Her eyes sparkled with fallacious tears.

Sasuke pulled down his shirt and slowly sat up. "What do you want? I'll do anything to make it up to you," he said monotonously, too tired to argue, or even rub his temples.

...he wished she'd do it for him.

Hinata mumbled something.

"What?" he asked.

She repeated herself, and there was a moment of awkward silence.

"You want to give me a makeover?"

She nodded, blushing adorably. Then again, when _wasn't_ Hyuuga Hinata utterly adorable?

An entire minute of uncomfortable silence lingered between them.

"Fine."

* * *

Later that day, the two found their way to the gigantic bathroom Hinata shared with Neji and Hanabi. Sasuke sat in a chair, head bowed, his girlfriend standing behind him. He'd never liked the Hyuuga house, but did enjoy seeing Hinata in the environment she found most comfortable. Stripped of the forehead protector that hid her slender neck, and the big tan jacket she wore indoors and out, she was quite nice to look at.

He winced as her comb ran over his tender scalp. His hair was barely brushable, but Hinata wasn't to surrender the fight. "I'm going to need gel for this," she said, eying the spikes, before walking around the chair so he could see her. She leaned down, peering into his face. She _did_ realize she had breasts, right? He looked at them thoughtfully.

"You have very nice skin," Hinata mentioned shyly as she straightened. His eyes traveled down her lean frame.

"I know," said Sasuke. "You have nice hips."

The heiress, who had been struggling to remove the cover on a large container of hair gel, froze. "Um...th-thanks," she said, her face reddening.

"Good for childbirth," Sasuke remarked.

"A-a-ano-" the blood-rush to her face was making her feel faint. The Uchiha tended to say odd things without realizing just how odd they were. Just before her face could explode, someone entered the room, breaking the tension.

Neji headed straight for the toilet.

"You should knock," Sasuke groused.

Hinata took a deep breath and dropped the gel, instead retrieving a container of pink blush.

"We're _using _the bathroom," Sasuke continued, unfazed by the fact that his girlfriend was dabbing his nose with a power-covered brush.

Neji paused in his efforts to unbutton his pants, glancing up as if only just noticing them. "What is _that?" _he asked, staring oddly at the Uchiha as Hinata applied liberal amounts of purple to his pale lips.

"Electrically-charged lavender violet amplified creme," Sasuke curtly responded. The boy (damn well) knew his lipstick. He personally preferred devilishly deep burgundy. Perhaps Hinata would let him give her a makeover after she was done with his.

Neji's odd look did not waver. He shook himself, his attention returning to the toilet. "I really have to defecate," he said, and resumed his struggle with his pants zipper.

Slack-jawed, Sasuke turned back to his girlfriend, throwing her a look that said, _Hinata! Do somethinggg!_

"It's okay, Sasuke-kun," the heiress said. "We use a screen system."

She called him Sasuke-kun in front of her friends and family. It annoyed him, because as far as _they _knew (or assured themselves), the two were just good friends.

Gal-pals, if you will.

This makeover wouldn't do much for his reputation.

But it was for his girlfriend, so he'd treat the matter just as he treated everything else – with Uchiha aloofness, indifference, and tact.

Hinata jerked out a large white curtain that was attached to the wall, and successfully hid Neji from view – but they could still make out his wriggling outline, and hear his frustrated grunts as he battled with his zipper.

"I will not subject myself to this," Sasuke hissed.

The screen was abruptly drawn back.

Neji, who had finally stripped down to his "FATE"-printed boxers, threw Sasuke a stony glare. "I see," he muttered. "I wouldn't be able to concentrate through your bitching anyway," he growled, jerking up his shorts and stalking off.

The Uchiha heaved an annoyed sigh, just as Hinata presented him with a...

...a dress.

It was simple enough, knee-length, and black, with spaghetti straps and a high enough V-cut. Sasuke eyed it for a moment and nothing was said.

"Fine," he said, after an entire three minutes had passed and neither of the two had backed down. He snatched the dress and walked behind the curtain before jerking it closed. From the other side, he heard Hinata's muffled giggles.

Uchiha Sasuke was not afraid of a little cross-dressage every now and then.

Not that he'd done it before...he really didn't have the figure for that sort of thing...

Hinata looked up as the curtains were re-opened. Though the dress was loose, its left strap consistently sliding off Sasuke's shoulder, she couldn't deny the fact that he looked pretty. Hinata reached up and lifted the loose strap, her hand running across Sasuke's shoulder as she did so. Just before she could voice what she thought, Hanabi entered the bathroom.

The girl walked to the mirror and grabbed a brush, before freezing, and doing a double-take. There were a few moments of silence in which she stared at Sasuke. Sasuke glared back.

"We're using the bathroom!" the Uchiha squawked, and Hanabi scurried off.

Sasuke sat back down, heaving another sigh. He reached for the container of hair gel and opened it for Hinata. "Can you just finish with my hair...and eyeshadow?" he asked, crossing his legs.

Hinata hadn't said anything about eyeshadow, but wasn't going to argue. Navy blue would suit him well...or mid-tone gray with silver sheen. She fished into the gel container, withdrawing a glob as she considered the colors that would go best with Sasuke's eyes. "And m-mascara?" she inquired.

"Whatever."

She began to apply the gel to Sasuke's hair, successfully smoothing down the spikes. She then walked around the chair, leaning down to face him, and stared in amazement at her handiwork. He could almost pass as a girl! "Eggplant purple eyeshadow?"

"Or a muted gray flecked with satin shimmer," Sasuke casually pitched.

She leaned closer, observing his eyes, the color, the shape, taking too long to realize how very close their faces had come to be, and the fact that Sasuke was staring back.

She felt her face flush. Her mind racing, and heart pounding, she didn't know what compelled her to lean yet closer-

"Someone clogged my toilet," Hyuuga Hiashi said as he entered the room, newspaper in hand. Hinata abruptly jerked away from Sasuke, crashing into Neji's toaster.

Hiashi stared in shock. "U-Uchiha?"

The twelve-year-olds responded with an exchange of glances and an uncomfortable silence.

"GET OUT!" Hiashi screamed.

"But-"

"GEETT OUUUUTTT!"

Which is obviously how Yuuhi Kurenai found a drag-dressed Sasuke hiding behind one of her trashcans. She took him inside, and we couldn't fathom what happened next.


	4. Ninja Cat

**Pranks**

by Bullwinkle's Lady

**Chapter 4**

Sasuke sat uncomfortably in an armchair across from Kurenai, watching her...watch him.

His cheek twitched. "You called the dobe, right? With...my clothes?"

Kurenai stared at him. "How could I have possibly called him? We don't have telephones."

The Uchiha raised his eyebrows. "But the telephone came out before the television. And I distinctly remember seeing a television in my apartment – episode 109."

Kurenai continued to stare as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the woman asked.

"No.".

"C'mon, let's chat, girl to girl."

"..."

There was a knock on the door. Sasuke heaved a sigh of relief as Hinata's strange sensei rose.

"Excuse me," she said, and exited the room. As soon as the living room door closed behind her, Sasuke dashed for the window and desperately attempted to pry it open.

**Locked**...from the outside. _...the hell!_

His blood ran cold when the door opened again. Sasuke turned around just as someone collided with his chest.

Hinata.

He gasped, his eyes wide, and face heating.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun!" his girlfriend cried into his dress. It seemed she was getting used to the touchy-feely stuff. "My father can't keep us apart!" she declared, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him tightly as possible. Sasuke released an undignified "Eep" as he watched Kuranai smile from the doorway.

"I'll give you two some privacy," she said, leaving the room.

That evening when the duo left, a pink-faced Hinata had purple lipstick on her cheek, and Kurenai asked no questions.

* * *

It was Sasuke's birthday, and she had gotten him a bouquet of blue roses. She knew he'd love it!

When she went to the training grounds where she would be meeting him that afternoon, she noticed several boys gathered around a large cardboard box, including Kiba, Neji, Naruto, Lee, Shikamaru, and that Garfield fellow. The boys chuckled to themselves, Lee's arm slung around Garfield's shoulders as the redhead cackled and playfully punched Neji in the arm. It was odd to see them all being so friendly with one another, considering the chunnin exam finals were only a week away.

Nervously clutching her bouquet to her chest, Hinata approached the group of boys. "W-what's going on?"

The boys looked up in surprise, but quickly calmed down upon seeing that it was only her. Naruto offered a smile. "We all pitched in to get Sasuke a birthday present." The blonde motioned to the box. It had a number of holes on the cover. Hinata gingerly approached, watching the others nod in approval. She peeked into one of the holes – and immediately withdrew.

"A s-sk-skunk!" she squeaked.

Lee was grinning wildly. "We're gonna tell him it's a cat!"

"No, no!" piped in Naruto. "A _ninja _cat."

Hinata stared as everyone burst into laughter for a good five minutes, slapping their knees and clutching their guts. Neji hyperventilated and collapsed to the ground unconscious.

"That's not funny guys! Sasuke-kun is my...my b-b-boyfriend," Hinata said, her face catching fire.

Everyone paused.

"You're twelve," said Naruto dismissively.

Hinata paled as everyone quieted down, for Sasuke was entering the clearing. He cautiously approached the odd group, the white-faced Hinata, and the unconscious Neji, one of his hands sliding into his shuriken pouch.

"Happy birthday Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed. "We got you a present!"

The group cleared around the box, which Sasuke eyed suspiciously.

"It's a ninja-cat," Kiba whispered, and everyone watched Sasuke's eyes light up (with joy!). He swiftly uncovered the box, reaching into it, and withdrawing-

"Sasuke, no!" Hinata cried, shoving him out of the way. Blue roses scattered everywhere.

SPLISSSSSSSSS.

Which is how Hinata got skunked.

**END**


End file.
